After my interactions with The Stalker, I realized, once again, that I wasn’t attracting the right type of guys, and so I restored my profile on JDate. Within a week I met someone.
Hedge Fund Guy and I met at Grand Central Terminal and walked across the street to Starbucks to begin our date. We both ordered chai lattes (mine was non-fat), and then we found a table. We talked about our families, passions, ambitions, the economy… we talked until they kicked us out at closing.
It was drizzling, and we decided to go for a walk in the cold rain. We walked over to the UN and up on 1st Avenue, still talking and sharing stories. After a few more blocks, we realized we hadn’t eaten dinner, and Hedge Fund Guy recognized an Italian restaurant he had been meaning to try, so we ducked in.
Even though it was late, they seated us, and we ordered. Our conversation turned to philosophy, and unlike the conversation I had with The Producer on the topic, Hedge Fund Guy was interested in having a discussion, not a debate. We closed down the restaurant and Hedge Fund Guy hailed me a cab. Before I got in, he kissed me, and asked when he could see me again. I told him I was busy with school, but that I would make time for him and that he should call.
I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face for the entire cab ride home. I got back to my apartment and shared the story of my evening with some of my girlfriends who live in the building. “It was one of those amazing dates that you never want to end,” I told them. I couldn’t wait to see Hedge Fund Guy again.
A day or two later, Hedge Fund Guy called, and we set up a date for that Sunday. I had a lot of reading to do, as did he, and so we decided to have a study date at a Starbucks on the east side of town. After studying for a few hours, we started to get hungry, and so we left to grab a bite to eat. Over dinner, we decided to catch a movie at a theater nearby.
We sat in the theater, his arm around my back, and my head on his shoulder. It was so easy. I felt as if I’d known Hedge Fund Guy for years. After the movie, we shared another kiss on the sidewalk. He hailed me a cab, and asked when he could see me again. I told him, just like last time, I would make time for him and that he should call.
A few days went by without a word. After day 4, it was pretty clear to me what had happened, Hedge Fund Guy just wasn’t that into me. I had a feeling that there might be another girl in the picture, and on day 7 I received the following email from him:
“Sorry I haven’t been in touch. I know this isn’t really fair to you, and I apologize for it, but I recently and unexpectedly got sort of serious with a girl I had been friends with for a while. She is putting a lot of pressure on me to go exclusive, and I am basically caving in to [sic] her demands. I do like you and think you are a great girl, and would definitely pursue things with you in other circumstances. Perhaps we can stay in touch and maybe try again down the road. Sorry again for being flakey.”
Well, at least my instincts were right. That was supposed to feel good, wasn’t it? As much as I liked Hedge Fund Guy, like really liked him, out of principle I couldn’t see him again. I sent him an email, first and foremost thanking him for his honesty. He could have easily played me and dated the long-time friend and me at the same time, but at least he had the decency to be upfront about it.
Except, he wasn’t upfront, was he? If he was in the beginning stages of a relationship with someone a) why was he on JDate? And b) why did he contact me and ask me out through the site? I told him that the timing was rather unfortunate because I liked him, but that he had made his choice to date the long-time friend, and I wouldn’t wait around to see if and when that relationship ended.
Even though the other girl got the guy, I sort of feel bad for her. First of all, do you want your boyfriend/soon-to-be boyfriend kissing other girls on street corners? And second, do you want a guy to commit to you because he’s “caving into [your] demands?” When the day comes, and I once again have a boyfriend, I want him to be there because he wants to be there of his own volition, not because I’ve pressured him into an exclusive relationship. If Hedge Fund Guy was willing to enter into a relationship with this other girl on such terms, I guess he isn’t the guy I thought he was, and that means he isn’t the guy for me.
